You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize