we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
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You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
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