im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
She announced her abortion via fbk
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Randomize
