this beer tastes like vomit already
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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