"it" just moved
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
i think i scared a bird with my dick
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
