this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I understand Curling. That high.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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