ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
