I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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