My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
