just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
