can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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