This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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