phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
