Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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