I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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