I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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