where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
