You smell like stripper and shame
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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