i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Randomize
