I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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