Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Randomize
