if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
