Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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