OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Screwed.edu
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
