Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
