this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
