my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
