She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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