You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
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