I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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