i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Randomize
