happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Houston, we have a blender
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Randomize
