i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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