I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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