I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
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