No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
