Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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