i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
