I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
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