The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
