fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
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