was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
