Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
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