How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
He had one of those small greek statue penises
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Randomize
