Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
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Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
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Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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