i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Randomize
