my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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