I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
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woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize