God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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