Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
