Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
