Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
