and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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