I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
