I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I'm having to shit out rocks
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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