We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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