Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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