Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
party gras won. party gras always wins.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
