I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
